316 Quotes by Greg Gutfeld

What I'm going to miss is the competition, being, that's OK, I can watch from the house.

We need an idiot middle ground, where we have to be honest and say, kids can be idiots and cops can be idiots.

When you talk about Islamic terror. You go, oh, you're an Islamic - you're Islamophobic because you besmirching all Muslims. No. I'm talking about Islamic terror.

The irony of prison is that it takes years and years and years to plan an elaborate escape, but all you have is years and years and years.

Commencement addresses are usually garbage. They're for colleges seeking publicity.

They [policemen] are in a profession that if you do the job incorrectly, or proceeding incorrectly, it's over for you because there isn't any supporter backup. If you make a mistake as a plumber, you know, you fix it and everything goes on or you get sued. But if you make a mistake as a cop, you are more infamous than Jesse James, everything's over.

When someone in power declares that something is broken that means it's actually fine. What they're really saying is, "Let's change this so I like it and ruin it." Nothing is ever broken.

When immigrants go into the worse neighborhood and they fix it up, they should become citizens.

[In] 2010, Woody Allen said that he felt Barack Obama should be a dictator so that he could get things done, and the first thing obviously that Woody Allen wanted done is to make it legal to have sex with stepdaughters.