54 Quotes by Greg Proops

Glasses are for the brave. I do not need to pretend that I am sighted. People who need glasses and don’t wear them are slightly less treacherous than people who don’t need them and do-like every shallow Hollywood star who wants to be taken seriously.

Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.

Arizona changes its state motto to Damn, it’s hot.

In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy.

I would never advocate the use of dope because, you know, I’m not a professional athlete and I don’t have access to the good stuff.

Oh, I don’t wear a bathing suit. I wear a tent when I go out.

White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you’re selling ice cream.

Yo. I’m from Beverly Hills, and I be pimpin’.

I’m old and my knowledge is strictly horizontal.