54 Quotes by Greg Proops

President Clinton celebrates the first casual Friday at the white house by wearing leather chaps.

If you want to live in ‘white world,’ if you want to experience the stultifying boredom and penetrating ennui that homogeneity can bring, you can go to Canada any day of the year. It’s an entire country named Doug.

I see guys dressing like they’re in college – and they’re not. I don’t want to be that guy.

Animals have two vital functions in today’s society; to be delicious and to fit well.

If you do not find me funny, that is your problem and I am not going away.

Contact lenses are for vain, weak-willed piglets who swan around showing off: ‘Look everybody, I can see without spectacles. No one at first glance will ever assume I know how to surf the net.’

And eat lots of mints, it fools the cops.

No one is a natural – you have to work at being a natural.

My feeling is, we ran from animals for three million years. It’s our time now. If a cow could eat you, it would. And it wouldn’t care how comfortable your truck ride over was, either.