54 Quotes by Greg Proops

I think comedy should be left up to the professionals, that way everyone’s safety is protected.

You can’t smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic, when you consider the fact that you can’t breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles.

Tequila is like acid in a glass.

I think if you steal well, you’re a genius. If you copy badly, you’re a hack.

I have to hear this all the time in England: Well, all Americans are fat and stupid, mm-hm-hm-hm-hm. Really? Well, thanks for sending over the best and brightest to start the party. Maybe we can send a few freaky, Texas, militia, hate-group, gun-toting weirdoes back to your country.

I thought the Egyptians had cured baldness.

I like the night life, I like to boogy.

I’m all for dropping lawyers into any war time situation.

If Iraq’s weapons are weapons of mass destruction, surely ours are weapons of growth and nurturing.