54 Quotes by Greg Proops

I work for a few at home who are devoted. People who are up now. Either they have some sort of bladder problem or they’re extremely drunk. This is my crowd, these are the people I hope to get.

People will really believe anything. You may have noticed this. It’s not just me. Look around.

Whoo! Heidi! Little goat girl, you are kicking the jam. You’ve got my lederhosen in a situation.

The ancients advised love is the joy of the good, the wonder of the wise, the amazement of the gods. Tough lesson, that one. I.

Women give birth, men take life. Therefore, men are jealous of this power. War is menstruation envy.

Let me tell you about Australia. It’s really, really, really, far from wherever you live on Earth. You fly and you fly and you fly. Then relativity takes over and you get younger and younger. And when you land, you’re a gleam in your father’s eye.

Understand telling a Woman to “smile” is an imposition and a demand you have no right to make.

Don’t say ‘No,’ say ‘Gilbert,’ ladies and gentlemen.

We don’t know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.