1,045 Quotes by H. L. Mencken

The instant I reach Heaven, I'm going to speak to God very sharply.

Citizenship in New York is now worth no more than citizenship in Arkansas, for it is open to any applicant from the marshes of Bessarabia, and, still worse, to any applicant from Arkansas.

When somebody says it’s not about the money, it’s about the money.

The law is a sort of hocus-pocus science that smiles in your face while it picks your pocket.

The average schoolmaster is, and always must be, an ass.

The objection of the scandalmonger is not that she tells of racy doings, but that she pretends to be indignant about them.

Courtroom : A place where Jesus Christ and Judas Iscariot would be equals, with the betting odds favoring Judas.

The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist Jack.

Jury - A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.