111 Quotes by Hasan Minhaj

Donald Trump does not touch alcohol, which is really respectable. But think about that. That means every statement, every interview, every tweet - completely sober.

You can hear my opinion on various subjects, but telling my story is the most authentic thing I can do. There's nothing more powerful I can share with an audience.

I think the best comedians have that bravery and courage to say, 'This is what it is. This is unfair; that's not cool.'

I like to have straight-up black coffee, but when you get it, sometimes you'll burn your tongue, or it spills on your hands, and you get third degree burns. I happen to be the kind of human being who doesn't want to sue coffee companies for money, so I just say, 'Hey, can you give me some coffee, but can you also give me like, eight ice cubes.'

'Stand-Up Planet' was Anthony Bourdain-meets-stand-up comedy.

Racism has a very quick expiration date when exposed to actual contact with people.

Donald Trump is an extremist leader who came out of nowhere. He's self-financed, recruits through social media, attracts his followers with a radical ideology to take over the world, and is actively trying to promote a war between Islam and the West.

I feel like every conversation with my father is like an M. Night Shyamalan movie; 90 minutes of build-up to no payoff.

Donald Trump is white ISIS - WISIS.