40 Quotes by Hilarious

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not yet completely sure about the universe.

Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion.

When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.

Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.