33 Quotes by Ike Barinholtz

If I was a condiment, I'm gonna go ahead and say I would be Sriracha, because I go well with other things. I'm too much for some people, and hipsters like me.

The first two years I was on 'MADtv' were really, really fun. We always thought it was 'Saturday Night Live's very nice, slightly asthmatic, shorter cousin.

I feel like we've already seen the burger truck, we've seen the lobster-roll truck. There's even healthy-food trucks now. But a big-thick-pizza truck? Come on, man. That'd be amazing.

I take my dog to the vet a lot because he's old and sick, and I always step on the scale when I'm there. Let's just say shirts that were once button-able are no longer. I'm constantly being roasted by my wife.

I went in and auditioned for one of the main guys for 'The League' when it was first casting, and I was so excited because I was like, 'Oh my God, this is my life!' I love fantasy football, and I play with my buddies, and my wife is frustrated with it.

I'm a big crier in general. The right life insurance commercial will take me out for a couple of days.

Mark Wahlberg, when I was in high school, people were like, 'You look like Marky Mark!' Then as I got older, they were like, 'You look like Donnie Wahlberg.' Now they're like, 'You look like Donnie Wahlberg's cousin from Massachusetts.'

Right away when I got to college, I realized that being a politician sucks. It's really hard! It wasn't for me. B.J. Novak is convinced that I will run for mayor of Chicago at some point. He begs me to do it. It'd be a tough gig, but I was always very attracted to the idea of helping people and trying to make the city a better place.

We decided we don't use the term 'fat' for me. We use the term 'juicy' for me. My wife's fine with it, but the rule is when I'm over double her weight, it's over.