121 Quotes by J. B. Smoove

There're rules to being the side chick. Rule number one: you're number two.

Father's Day just be Mother's Day the sequel.

I did a club one night - the speakers were old as hell. My jokes were coming out in black and white.

I don't consider myself a stand-up comedian. I consider myself a performer; a comic as opposed to stand-up comedian. Stand-up comedians stand there and do their bits; I break every rule in creation. If there's a rule that can be broken in stand-up, I'll do it.

I drive a big Dodge truck. I drive American cars.

I'm on my version of the protein diet, but there ain't no protein in it. It's a Krispy Kreme doughnut between two Cinnabons. And you soak it overnight in Red Bull. Then you chase it with a Snickers.

I believe, even when I'm doing my standup or my acting or whatever I'm doing, I believe in painting pictures.

I have big hands. I can't do the touch-screen thing. I'm a button guy. I want to press buttons.

I may even show up behind the camera. I love to put things together; I love to give direction. I have a great eye for pace.