61 Quotes by Jack Dee

Comedy and tragedy are two sides of the same coin. A talent in one area might also lead to a predisposition in the other.

Well, I don't ever get excited. I haven't been excited since I got a Chopper bicycle when I was about 12. Once you get older you realise there's always a catch to everything. So when I get, say, a commission to make a TV show, the catch is that you have to deliver something and then the sense of responsibility overwhelms the joy of the occasion.

I don't like men who blow-dry their hair. If you are a man and you blow-dry your hair, then I don't like you and that's all there is to it.

I tend not to trust people who live in very tidy houses. I know that on the surface there is nothing wrong with a person being well-ordered and disciplined. Nothing, except that it leaves the impression of that person having lived in the confines of a stark institution which, although he or she has long since left, remains within.

I really hated fighting people and hurting them, but felt unable to stop.

In my local newspaper, they had this advert: 'please look after your neighbours in the cold weather'. I live next door to this 84-year-old woman, and do you know, not once has she come round to see if I'm all right. The lazy cow hasn't even taken her milk in for a fortnight.

People who are pro smacking children say, 'It's the only language they understand.' You could apply that to tourists.

One of my friends went on a murder weekend, now he is doing life for it.

The film industry is like Anne Robinson - always on the look-out for a new face.