85 Quotes by Jackie Mason

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to.

I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humour doesn't know what he's talking about.

My comedy doesn't come from any calculations and studies.

Frankly, I'm in shock. I just can't believe it...even though I had every reason to expect it.

We were going to do it before the hurricane, but decided to wait,

The nervousness never lasted more than a second because he was so congenial and comfortable. He made more stars on his show, probably, than anybody in the whole history of show business.

I didn't think it was fair to pretend to give of myself when I was so selfishly consumed with my own drives.