790 Quotes by Janet Evanovich

Damn, I thought everyone carried a gun in New Jersey!!!

That shooting gave me an appetite," she said. "Somebody passme the potatoes."Grandma Mazur

I heard about them Rangers on TV,” Grandma said. “I heard they get dogs pregnant.” -Grandma Mazur

Will you look at this," Grandma said. "Closed casket. Isn't this a fine howdy-do. I get dressed up and come out to pay my respects, and I don't even get to see anything."Martha Deeter was shot and autopsied. They'd taken her brain out to get weighed. After she was put back together she probably looked like Frankenstein. I was personally relieved to see a closed casket.

Grandma Mazur reads the obituary columns like they're part of the paper's entertainment section. Other communities have country clubs and fraternal orders. The Burg has funeral parlors. If people stopped dying, the social life of the Burg would come to a grinding halt.

We better hurry," Grandma said. "I don't want to be late for the viewing. I want to get a good seat right up front, and there'll probably be a crowd, being that the deceased was shot. You know how some people are nosy about that sort of thing."There was silence at the table, no one daring to make a comment."Well, I guess I might be a little nosy," Grandma finally said.

He's a Stone Dead gang member. He'll be hanging with the other Deads, and the Deads own the fifth block of Stark. Their color is purple. Their name is significant. These losers are dead inside. They've grown up with so much violence it's normal to them. They're like zombies. They feel no remorse. You do not want to go up against one of them. If you find this guy I want you to call me, and I'll send out the SWAT team..

Calories don’t count if they’re connected to a celebration. Everyone knows this.

Almost everybody I know has died,” Grandma said. “Bunch of wimps.