41 Quotes by Jasper Carrott

I have been known to play a few rounds in my time. I'm not obsessive; I don't play in the dark, but even that's not out of the question because Stevie Wonder is also a golfer.

I used to be a columnist for 'Golf Monthly' and have contributed articles for national newspapers based on the humour that is in abundance in the game, which is more than can be said of tennis.

I am cursed with a right leg that arouses the desire of any male dog that happens to be passing. I used to think that this only happened to me but I've discovered that many people have the same problem. They have a femme fatale limb.

They put up this bloke's picture on Crimewatch UK with a phone number and said 'Have you seen this man?' Well my auntie rang them up and said 'No'.

The impact of T.V. on our lives in general gets most things out of proportion.

I am cursed with a right leg that arouses the desire of any male dog that happens to be passing. I used to think that this only happened to me but I’ve discovered that many people have the same problem. They have a femme fatale limb.

I have that working class fear of having nothing. I’ve always got one eye on what’s in the bank.

I’ve always been sensible with my money. I can’t say I’m a business genius.

If I were to ask you who the first million-pound show winner was on British TV, you'd probably go for Judith Keppel. She was, indeed, the first 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' contestant to win £1 million, but the first one on TV was actually Clare Barwick, who won £1 million on Chris Evans' show 'TFI Friday.'