1,222 Quotes by Jay Leno

You know what is interesting, Condit is very conservative. He voted to post the ten commandments in schools. Yet, he himself broke the 11th commandment, ‘Thou shall not put thy rod in thy staff.’

Gas stations are considering hiring security guards. Why are they getting security guards? We’re the ones getting robbed.

If you don’t want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.

They determined who got the first question by a coin toss, to which Sarah Palin said, ‘Oh, what a coincidence, that’s how I got picked.’

Researchers found a frog in new guinea that is so tiny, they believe it’s the smallest vertebrate on the planet. It has the tiniest backbone of any living creature, except members of Congress.

Jesse Jackson’s wife was arrested in Puerto Rico while protesting the naval bombings there. Jesse said he was holding a meeting with four of his secretaries to decide what to do and that these meetings could run well into the night.

President Obama will be going to Disney World where he’ll unveil his new plan to create jobs. And what better place for the president to talk about his jobs plan than Fantasyland?

If President Obama really wants to hurt the Syrian government, don’t send cruise missiles. He should send over some of his economic advisers.

Howard Dean dropped out of the race today. At least he can’t claim his voice wasn’t heard.