1,222 Quotes by Jay Leno

They said that President Bush’s war in Iraq has cost the former Spanish Prime Minister his job. So President Bush isn’t losing American jobs anymore, he’s branching out to other countries.

The nation’s largest savings and loan, Washington Mutual, has become the biggest bank failure in history. See, the problem with the savings and loans? Not enough savings, too many stupid loans, okay In fact, they changed their name from WaMu to ‘screw you.’

It’s fun when you’re driving, and people wave at you, and you wave back. I think you either like people or you don’t. I mean, I don’t want to put on sunglasses. That’s why I’m in show business.

When a candidate walks away from a reality show, that’s when you know they’re serious about being president of the United States.

My dad’s idea of a good time is to go to Sears and walk around.

People want to say there isn’t racial profiling at the airport, but let’s be honest. If you first name is Mohammed, and your last name isn’t Ali, leave a little extra time.

It’s just a matter of time before we go into Iraq and get Saddam Hussein. I think just before Bush falls below 50 percent, that’s when we’ll be going.

Barack Obama’s daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the economy. That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White House, it’ll be cleaned up by future generations.

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they’re a bunch of liars.