1,222 Quotes by Jay Leno

It seems that England’s royal family is running out of money. They are down to just $1.6 million. Well sure, that’s what happens when nobody in your family has had a job for the last thousand years.

Donald Trump says that he will not run for president. You know why? He can’t find his birth certificate.

I tell you, the economy is in bad shape. In fact, the economy is so bad, President Barack Obama’s new slogan is ‘Spare Change You Can Believe In.’

Major heat wave in India – 122 degrees today. It was so hot people in India were sweating like Americans waiting to hear if their job is being outsourced to India.

In South Korea, a scientist considered to be one of the pioneers in the field of cloning has been sentenced to two years in prison. At least, they think it’s him...

When Rick Perry was told about Kim Jong Il, he said, ‘I never heard of him, but then again, I don’t listen to that rap.’

The Bush administration has apparently approved a plan to oust Saddam Hussein. I think that’s President Bush’s Father’s Day gift to his Dad.

According to a British poll, you’ve only got a one in five chance of achieving your childhood career ambition. Which probably explains why you don’t run into that many cowboys, princesses, or space rangers.

Presidential Democratic front-runner Howard Dean admitted to Chris Matthews on the ‘Hardball’ show that he got out of the draft because of a bad back. He had a curvature of the spine. Apparently it curved too far to the left.