1,222 Quotes by Jay Leno

According to CNN, Donald Rumsfeld said the war in Iraq did not go according to plan. And President Bush said, ‘What? We had a plan?’

A Christmas tree, the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead.

Today is Valentine's Day--or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

Researchers at Harvard say that taking a power nap for an hour in the afternoon can totally refresh you. They say by the time you wake up you'll feel so good, you'll be able to start looking for a new job.

Women get a little more excited about New Year's Eve than men do. It's like an excuse: You get drunk; you make a lot of promises you're not going to keep; the next morning as soon as you wake up you start breaking them. For men, we just call that a date.

First there's the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring..soon after..comes suffer..ing!

As you know, Arizona recently passed the toughest anti-immigration bill in American history. The idea behind this bill is to drive illegal immigrants out of Arizona and back to their homeland in Los Angeles.