53 Quotes by Jay Mohr

Some ladies got the shower massager. Oh, man, you better buy her a diamond 'cause if she got a shower massager, she don't really need you anymore. That shower massager makes a woman shake like a car on bad gas going up a hill.

I never minded George Steinbrenner spending obscene amounts of money to put the best product on the field.

You don't really drive in cabs in L.A. unless you're broke or homeless - or if you're broke and driving the cab.

I'd go back, yeah. I don't care, I got a kid, man - I'll sell tampons. I mean, there's no selling-out once you get a kid. I got a kid.

Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing.

I didn't want to fight a guy from England. What if I lose? Not that English guys aren't strong, but who wants to get beat up by a guy with that voice? That's not the most masculine voice to take a beating to.

Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.

Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?

True Yankees are born, not made.