85 Quotes by Jeff Dunham

So Achmed if you’ve been in my suitcase this entire time how have you been getting through security? Oh thats easy they open the suitcase and i say ’ello my name is lindey lohan!

You never know how long your fifteen minutes of fame is going to last.

Jeff: The drive from the valley? Peanut: Was bad as hell! Jeff: Traffic? Peanut: Sucked like hell! Jeff: Drivers? Peanut: Angry as hell! Jeff: And you? Peanut: Were scared as hell! Jeff: Parking? Peanut: Sucked more like hell! Jeff: So? Peanut: We’re in hell!

Up until college age I was using the typical little-boy dummy that sits on the knee and makes woodpecker jokes. My first original character didn’t happen until later, and that was Jose the Jalapeno on a Stick.

When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show.

I hate the beach – I’m a mountain guy. I’d much rather face a bear than a shark.

In 1980, when I graduated from high school, my goal was to be on ‘The Tonight Show’ with Johnny Carson at least once before our ten-year class reunion. Our class reunion was in June of 1990, and I was on ‘The Tonight Show’ in April 1990, so I made it by a few months.

I don’t aim it at anybody specific, I don’t aim my characters to make old people laugh or young people or professionals or blue collar, just whatever I think is going to be funny and it just so happens that.

I used to pick Priuses out of the grill of my Hummer.