85 Quotes by Jeff Dunham

When I was eight years old, I got a dummy for Christmas and started teaching myself. I got books and records and sat in front of the bathroom mirror, practising. I did my first show in the third grade and just kept going; there was no reason to quit.

The kids who come backstage that have cancer or whatever, make them laugh and smile for a little while, what’s the problem with that? There isn’t any.

The roadwork is just rehearsal for that DVD you’re going to film a year later.

A lot of my best stuff is just ad libs on stage and that’s one thing that I’ve gotten back to at the live show.

Look, I know I didn’t finish school but that frickin’ says ‘Sa ntah ah nah!

But the mechanics of learning to ‘throw your voice’ are pretty simple. Anyone with a tongue, an upper palate, teeth, and a normal speaking voice can learn ventriloquism.

I’ve skewered whites, blacks, Hispanics, Christians, Jews, Muslims, gays, straights, rednecks, addicts, the elderly, and my wife. As a standup comic, it is my job to make sure the majority of people laugh, and I believe that comedy is the last true form of free speech.

There’s nothing better for a comedian than adversity.

I’ve always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see a really bad juggler who’s really funny.