438 Quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

I’ll just have itchy, watery eyes!

You know you’re a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn’t.

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I’ve got four more summers with her. I’m not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

Comics don’t usually have very long careers, and I’m 22 years into this.

You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to git that big ole coon. The one what hangs ’round over yonder, back’ah Bubba’s barn...

I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you’ll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.

All these years I’ve sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.

You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave’em in the shade.

I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry’s made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he’d gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.