438 Quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

I’m an outdoor nut. If I’m not working, I’m on a tractor on my farm, hunting, fishing or climbing a mountain.

I don’t necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I’m a comedian and I have a Southern accent.

If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain’t nobody’s babydoll.

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother – you’re not sure what you’ve got but you’re pretty sure you’re not going to like it.

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life’s list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I’m very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren’t juicy.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn’t tell their therapist.

It’s hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.