35 Quotes by Jeffrey Bernard

A lot of girls annoy me who go to university – one girl told me she was going to Oxford because it was something to do between leaving school and getting married. And I’ve got to pay for that being an income tax payer.

I was under the care of a couple of medical students who couldn’t diagnose a decapitation.

It’s one thing to ask your bank manager for an overdraft to buy 500 begonias for the borders in Haslemere, but quite another to seek financial succour to avail oneself of the 5-2 they’re offering on lie de Bourbon for the St Leger.

It’s not name dropping, but not many people can say, like me, that they spent the day with the likes of Francis Bacon or that boring drunk Dylan Thomas. You don’t forget things like that.

There’s nothing undignified about lying about all day and being waited on by servants, sipping bloody champagne.

I don’t remember ever being full of dislike and hatred for people, like some kids I’ve come across now.

One of the things that goes with getting older is that one becomes more conservative – and I emphasise that when I use the word conservative I do not mean politically.

But you’ve got to have money for comfort, which obviously doesn’t matter as much when you’re young, but even so. I always like to bloody eat well and be warm. Have a drink when I want it.