77 Quotes by Jen Kirkman

Use your passport for domestic trips, so that way you don't risk losing your license.

There are a lot of things I might be good at, such as competitive figure skating, window washing from ten stories up, and being an open heart surgeon. I might also make an excellent Kamikaze pilot - except for the fact that I don't want to learn how to fly and have no interest in taking my own life on behalf of Japan.

What they call 'alt-comedy' now is basically what comedy was like in the '80s. People tried different things, and everybody went to the clubs; there was no other place. Then somehow, the clubs became infiltrated by Dice Clay and Carrot Top types.

Eventually I'm going to be too old to be on camera, and I've been doing stand-up a long time.

Don't overpack your carry-on. You're never going to read that second book or that fourth magazine.

Don't make being a girl or a victim part of your stand-up act. If you encounter sexism in the business, don't bring it on stage; it's not funny.

Couples without kids have each other, their friends, families, and Siri to talk to. It's not like they're quarantining themselves in an underground bunker, never to take a romantic stroll on the beach or attend a Morrissey concert ever again. They're just using birth control.

The women doing comedy do not even think of themselves as 'female' comedians.

People think anything done from a woman's perspective is only going to appeal to women.