392 Quotes by Jenny Lawson

Kids don’t use paper book covers anymore. Why is that? They’re missing out on the best part of school, which is doodling genitals and curse words and hiding them in flowery vines.

In fact, most of the pockets you see on women’s pants are just illusions made to taunt you. Or sometimes they really are pockets but they are intentionally sewn closed, as if to say, “I’m letting you have these pockets but I’m sewing them shut for your own good.” And most of us leave them sewn shut because we’d rather look thin than have pockets.

Maile nodded. “I should do a live webcam of my uterus and call it What’s Up Maile?” I wasn’t sure it would play on prime time but it’d probably be more redeeming than the Kardashians.

I believe it was Sartre who said, “Hell is other people,” and I suspect he wrote that after spending an hour with overinvolved parents who won’t stop yelling at coaches, instructors, or crying four-year-olds who really just want a snow cone.

Because it was the first time in my life that I gave myself permission to be me. I was still shy and self-conscious and terrified of people, but Jenkins had essentially freed me of the bonds of having to try to fit in.

I whispered to the girl next to me that I was very excited about having my first cheese tasting because I love cheese.

A house should look lived in, and I consider it clean as long as I don’t stick to it and it doesn’t give me cholera.

It was nice to call my parents and proudly tell them, “My lady garden is going viral.” In hindsight, that may have been a poor choice of phrasing.

I used to feel a lot of guilt about having depression but then I realized that’s a lot like feeling guilty for having brown hair.