392 Quotes by Jenny Lawson

Unfortunately I always end up sitting next to people who don’t know any drinking songs at all and spend their time making pie charts, which is pretty much the worst use of pie ever.

Wall. I pointed out that perhaps he’d been named that because he was the man who’d invented walls, and she sighed impatiently, pointing out that it would be hard to believe that a man had invented walls when most of them couldn’t even be bothered to close the bathroom door while they’re using it.

To all who walk the dark path, and to those who walk in the sunshine but hold out a hand in the darkness to travel beside us: Brighter days are coming. Clearer sight will arrive. And you will arrive too. No, it might not be forever. The bright moments might be for a few days at a time, but hold on for those days. Those days are worth the dark.

Everything in this book is mostly true but some details have been changed to protect the guilty. I know it’s usually about “protecting the innocent” but why would they need protection? They’re innocent. And they’re also not nearly as fun to write about as the guilty, who always have more fascinating stories and who make you feel better about yourself by comparison.

I can tell you that “Just cheer up” is almost universally looked at as the most unhelpful depression cure ever. It’s pretty much the equivalent of telling someone who just had their legs amputated to “just walk it off.

Or the woman in front of me in the security line who asked if they would put her cat, Dave, through the luggage X-ray machine because she wanted to see if he’d eaten a necklace.

I hope to one day see a sea of people all wearing silver ribbons as a sign that they understand the secret battle, and as a celebration of the victories made each day as we individually pull ourselves up out of our foxholes to see our scars heal, and to remember what the sun looks like.

When I wake up in the morning I often find messages left to me on my phone. Then I read the messages and I suspect that I’m being stalked by a madwoman. And I am. That madwoman is me. The calls are coming from inside the house. Some.

Even the ugliest person’s cellulite is more attractive than the most beautiful supermodel’s lower intestine.′ I’d put that on a T-shirt but probably Mark Twain already said it.