392 Quotes by Jenny Lawson

Pretend you’re good at it.

Mentally ill. It’s a phrase that once scared me, but now I wear it like an old jacket, comfortable but ugly.

Cannibals say that we taste like pork, and bacon is my spirit animal, so we’re probably delicious.

Laura, they rub your face off using DIAMONDS.

My primary thoughts during the holidays are ‘Stab. Stab. Stab. Run away.

It’s okay to keep a broken oven in your yard as long as you call it art.

They should change “You can’t handle the truth” to “You can’t handle these goats” because it’s more realistic.

I want my pockets to be like a TARDIS, or Mary Poppins’s carpetbag. Also, why did Mary Poppins even need such a huge bag if it’s magically designed to fit everything? Seriously. I’m guessing that Mary asked for a magic pocket and the wizards were like, “What, like a dude? Nah. I don’t think so, lady. You’ll get a purse.

Unfortunately, that was not my father’s intent at all, and my eyes widened in horror as my father leaned over and yelled in his booming, cheerful voice, “HELLOOOO, VICTOR,” while tossing a live bobcat on him. Most.