392 Quotes by Jenny Lawson

I blame whoever makes spice out of Mace, and I reminded my gasping dinner guests that even if I did Mace them, I did it in an old-fashioned, homemade, Martha Stewart sort of way. With love.

Daddy leaned toward us and told us rather conspiratorially that this box held our newest pet. This is the same man who once brought home a baby bobcat, let it loose in the house, and forgot to mention it because he “didn’t think it was important,” so for him to be excited I assumed the box had to contain something truly amazing, like a two-headed lizard, or a baby chupacabra. He opened the box and whispered excitedly, “Come out and meet your new owners, Pickle.

One of the best things you can do as a parent is to realize that your child is nothing like you, and everything like you.

Whenever I start to doubt if I’m worth the eternal trouble of medication and therapy, I remember those people who let the fog win.

I control it by being painfully honest about just how crazy I am. I control it by allowing myself to hide in bathrooms and under tables during important events. And sometimes I control it by letting it control me, because I have no other choice.

DAY 2: Start intentionally breaking things so you have a reason not to wrap and pack them.

I can’t think of another type of illness where the sufferer is made to feel guilty and question their self-care when their medications need to be changed.

She was right, but at the same time she reminded me why girls make both great and terrible friends: They actually listen to your goals, even when you’re too drunk to know what you’re saying.

Just cheer up” is almost universally looked at as the most unhelpful depression cure ever.