392 Quotes by Jenny Lawson

My dad made me raise an orphaned possum when I was ten and every time I fed it, it hissed and glared at me like it wanted me to die in a fire. It was a very imaginative, bitey possum and also a total douche-canoe.

I want my pockets to be like a TARDIS, or Mary Poppins’s carpetbag.

I prefer things a little soft and fuzzy around the edges. The world always looks nicer when it’s a little blurry – that’s why so many of us have a second glass of wine at dinner.

I know that I am crazy. And that has made all the difference.

Sometimes stunned silence is better than applause.

I don’t even remember the first time I did meth in front of my child. This is mostly because I’ve never actually done meth. But it’s a good way to start out a chapter about how you fear you’re failing as a parent because it sets the bar of child-rearing very, very low and everything you do that isn’t meth in front of your children seems incredibly impressive by comparison. My.

Victor kept telling me to breathe, and I told him that I already knew how to breathe and why do people even say that because it’s not like people just forget to breathe. He.

That raccoon is my goddamn role model. He is the worst and best Patronus ever, and I want to be just like him when I grow up.

This place is very bushy,” I said, using words to describe things.