392 Quotes by Jenny Lawson

This book is less a sequel to my last one and more a collection of bizarre essays and conversations and confused thoughts stuck together by spilled boxed wine and the frustrated tears of baffled editors who have no choice but to accept my belief that it’s perfectly acceptable to make up something if you need a word that doesn’t already exist, and that punctuation is really more of a suggestion than a law.

If you put a bunch of chameleons on top of a bunch of chameleons on top of a bowl of Skittles what would happen? Is that science? Because if so, I finally get why people want to do science.

When I got older I found out “gyp” is a derogatory term for “Gypsy” so I nipped that in the bud. But the best replacement the dictionary offered was “flimflam” and it just sounds ridiculous to say, “Your dessert is bigger. I feel flimflammed.” No one is taking that complaint seriously. Instead I just end up feeling bitter about pie and saying nothing.

The hardest thing to write was explaining what anxiety feels like. Every time I’d try to really write about what it feels like to have an anxiety attack, I would actually have an anxiety attack. It was good material but so incredibly uncomfortable.

Normal is boring. Weird is better. Goats are awesome, but only in small quantities.

This is the same reason I listen to a lot of uber-conservative Republican radio. Because I want to know what is on the minds of my enemies.

As it is with all stories, fast cars, wild bears, mental illness, and even life, only one truth remains: your mileage may vary.

I’m not rewarding unrequested, lazy singers with their aggressive pudding demands.

And if you think having a gas station is not that big of a deal, then you’re probably the kind of person who grew up in a town that has a gas station, and that doesn’t encourage students to drive to school in their tractors. Wall.