392 Quotes by Jenny Lawson

I started creeping around the house on my knees, because I thought maybe I could get under the sound waves of my drugged-out friends, who were now freaked out at the revelation that no one could ever see their faces in real life because “mirrors couldn’t be trusted.

Someone once said that if you make something no one hates, no one will ever love it either, and that’s true.

Australia is really a lot like Texas if Texas were mad at you and drunk and maybe had a knife.

I’ve learned to use my spoons wisely. To say no. To push myself, but not too hard. To try to enjoy the amazingness of life while teetering at the edge of terror and fatigue. This.

Every time I get a pimple I worry that it’s the beginning of a new nipple.

Dear Victor: This bath towel was wet and you left it on the floor and it was the last clean one in the house. I’m pretty sure this is how tuberculosis is spread. I’m writing all this in my blog in case I end up dead because of your carelessness.

It was the best of books, it was the worst of hairbrushes. Read it. Don’t tease your hair with it. – CHARLES DICKENS.

It is an amazing gift to be able to recognize that the things that make you the happiest are so much easier to grasp than you thought.

Sometimes when I’m staying in thin-walled hotel rooms I’ll open up my laptop and play TV murder scenes really loudly to see if anyone ever calls the police to report a murder. No one ever does though. It’s like people just don’t care anymore.