172 Quotes by Jeremy Clarkson

Why is the forecast so bland? Why instead of ‘stormy’ don’t they just say the sea’s ‘a frothing maelstrom of terror and hopelessness’?

If you go through the pearly gates backwards in a fireball, that’s a cool way to die!

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

Mix an anorexic body with a heart made of pure fire and you are going to go with a savagery that’s hard to explain.

Italy’s youngsters complain, apparently, about having to live at home until they are 72 but that’s because they spend all their money on suits and coffee and Alfa Romeos rather than mortgages.

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don’t feature enough affordable cars on the show so we’ll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

This is a hard job. Change gear, change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That’s a lot of effort in a day.

You take out an injunction against somebody or some organisation and immediately news of that injunction and the people involved and the story behind the injunction is in a legal-free world on Twitter and the Internet. It’s pointless.

When I was 16, I wanted to look like Lord Byron. It’s not really a haircut so much as a hair-not-cut, but I’ve never changed it. It’s a bit Byron, a bit Don Juan DeMarco and other things that I aspire to be.