19 Quotes by Jeremy Robert Johnson

I mean, I had my turtle Deckard, but his lifestyle consisted of sunbathing, eating goldfish, and—somehow I just knew this—silently judging me while I masturbated. I’d taken to covering his tank with a thin blanket, but still…he knew.

Quiet customers get served first.

Well, you put a gun to my head.”“No. I put a suggestion in your mind and a gun in your hands.

Well, Hindsight, have you ever heard of the term Busy Idiot?

Don’t worry. These cowboys are all in line. Nice, law-abiding batch here, only want to help you reach your dreams. They’re nothing like that last group who rolled through town with branding irons and rape-trusses and shotguns. These are the good guys.

Loneliness is a hell of a drug.

I considered sex work, but then I bent over and looked at my asshole in a mirror. Nobody was going to pay me for access to that thing.

They’d insert a probe into the patient’s head to press the nodule and the patient’s immediate response would be to shout out, “FUCK IT! WHY NOT?

By the time I twenty, I was just like everyone else. I still am