188 Quotes by Jerry Lewis

The doc told me I had a dual personality. Then he lays an 82 dollar bill on me, so I give him 41 bucks and say, ‘Get the other 41 bucks from the other guy.’

I don’t want to be remembered. I want the nice words when I can hear them.

It’ll keep you alive for another 10 years if you get yourself a laugh once a day: either provoke it, or look around in the wildest laboratory in the world, the public.

Don’t you understand how dramatic it is to be a comic? To be a fool, to get people to laugh at this show-off? Milton Berle could take Laurence Olivier and stick him under the table if he wanted to. And so could I.

I never got a formal education. So my intellect is my common sense. I don’t have anything else going for me. And my common sense opens the door to instinct.

Every man’s dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.

Gambling is part of the human condition. I love it. I have the best time gambling. I’ve been winning fortunes, and I’ve been losing them.

Pity? You don’t want to be pitied because you’re a cripple in a wheelchair? Stay in your house!

The day you’re born, you get the pink slip on YOU. Outright ownership. You must only share that life with those that you and only you choose.