109 Quotes by Jesse Andrews

I guess I was actually sort of grateful that someone else was taking over my life. I mean, I’m obviously pretty terrible at managing my own life, so it was nice to know that it was in good hands. But also it was nice to have all these concrete tasks to do and be sort of distracted and consumed by them. It kept me from thinking about every depressing and weird thing that was going on at that time.

Basically, my point is not that you listen to people to learn anything listening. You’re doing it to be nice and make them like you, because everyone likes to talk.

The theater kids? My God, it would be a bloody massacre. They would be found beaten to death with their own dog-eared The Wiz songbooks.

He was especially excited about Aguirre, the Wrath of God. “Look at this crazy dude,” he yelled, point at Klaus Kinski, who on the cover is wearing a Viking helmet and looks like a psychopath. So – with Dad’s permission – we put the film in and watched it. This would turn out to be the single most important thing ever to happen in our lives.

It was time to ride the wave or drown in a sea of crazy.

This book probably makes it seem like I hate myself and everything I do. But that’s not totally true. I mostly just hate every person I’ve ever been. I’m actually fine with myself right now.

And if a jock. God forbid, witnesses you hobnobbing with theater kids, he will immediately assume you are gay, and there is no force on earth greater than the fear jocks have homosexuals. None. It’s like the Jewish fear of Nazis, except the complete opposite with regard to who is beating the crap out of whom. So I guess it’s more like the Nazi fear of Jews.

He is pacing back and forth humming the theme from Rent or maybe cats.

If you’re not from Pittsburgh, I should probably explain that “yinzers” are people with heavy Pittsburgh accents. For example, instead of “you” or “y’all,” they say “yinz.” Another feature of yinzers is that they wear Steelers apparel at all times, including in the workplace and at weddings.