559 Quotes by Jim Gaffigan

Manhattan's probably one of the bluest parts in the country, and Indiana's definitely one of the redder states. I have sympathy for both sides.

Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you.

Ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.

I'm an eccentric, silly, observational guy, but I'm not gonna frighten off social conservatives.

My whole comic persona is that of a guy who explores the id: I romanticize gluttony, I romanticize laziness, and people identify with that.

There's something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.

All I want to do is be a good dad, but I'm pretty bad at it.

I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.

I just want to be known as funny.