559 Quotes by Jim Gaffigan

I left the Midwest thinking I didn't fit in. But when I got to New York, I realized how truly Midwestern I was.

I didn't think that it's something that would happen. I didn't think I would be in the position, emotionally or financially, to be able to do that. But I've been lucky [to have big family].

The idea of having a large family, I definitely had a romantic notion of it.

Even when you hear about a comedian getting married, among comedians, we're always kind of like, what are they doing?

I think stand-up comedy is this - it's this kind of indulgence and narcissism.

I know that Colbert could quote Thomas Aquinas and all this, but I'm somebody who, because it's a necessity for me on a personal basis. I need it because I'm a lunatic.

That's not to say that I'm a well-informed Catholic. I'm still in idiot.

I need the concept of mercy for me to have some semblance of self-admiration. So in real life, I'm probably somebody who is more devout.

That’s why when I send a postcard I quiz people. “Hey, did you get that postcard?” “Yeah, yeah yeah.” “Well what’d I say?” “Uh, you were havin-” “I was in jail”