559 Quotes by Jim Gaffigan

The whole idea of celebrity is flattering – it helps you get into restaurants and stuff – but once you obtain some creative fulfillment, which you do on a nightly basis as a comedian, it’s hard to give that up just to be the wacky neighbor on a show.

Every now and then I’ll read a book, I’ll be so proud of myself, I’ll try and squeeze it into conversation. People will be like, “Hey Jim, how ya do-” “I read a book! Two hundred and fifty pages!” “That’s great, what was it about?” “No idea! Took me three years!”

Comics write to their point of view. If you’re an exceedingly irreverent comedian, you’ve got to see where that point of view fits or produces the most funny.

I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you’re doing.

I’m much more interested in making people laugh than getting applause breaks.

I wish, in some ways, I was the type of comedian who could do something blistering and topical, but I’m the guy who gets stuck in the revolving door and thinks I should write about that.

I worked on ‘USA Today’ as a topic for while. I tried to do something on hand chairs, chairs that look like hands. I really tried. But some topics are not truly universal.

Whenever you correct someone’s grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I am somebody who – my path to my faith is very kind of individual, and I don’t want to be lumped into the category of those Westboro Baptists.