559 Quotes by Jim Gaffigan

When people look and decide they have nothing in common with me – I’m 43, balding, blond, whatever – there’s something absolutely invigorating about winning them over. Even if it’s eight people from Sweden who don’t understand what I’m talking about.

I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I’m nothing. Because if you’re Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, ‘He’s got a Latin temper!’ If you’re a white guy and you get angry, people are like, ‘That guy’s a jerk.’

I was watching the Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? Why don’t they just call that one the female?

My wife and I, we work together. And we wrote this book, “Dad Is Fat.” And in the book, I was encouraged constantly by my editor to be more personal and talk about more personal experiences.

The reason I say I’m a horrible person is I don’t want myself to be presented as somebody who’s a great Catholic.

It really never came up, but I think that in present-day America, they’re – you know, and I touched on it in the initial clip – is that we are in the middle of this culture war.

I think when I started doing stand-up, that’s when I really tried to question everything in my belief system which is – I think a pretty important part of being a comedian is really questioning things.

If you’re a guy over 30 by yourself in the hotel pool, you automatically look like a murderer who’s just relaxing after he strangled a family. “Yeah-that dad was a tough one to kill.”

I don’t think comedians make an active decision to be a certain “persona.” Comedians write the way they’re going to write.