559 Quotes by Jim Gaffigan

Babies and toddlers are mostly what I’ve been exposed to at this point. I’m hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does, right?

The entertainment business is such a strange, crazy perception business that you’re either given way too much respect, like people saying, “You should be the head of the sitcom!” Or you’re given no respect, where they’re like, “You should audition to be the garbage man that lives four houses down.”

Comedians rarely have writers, and if you do it’s usually a sign of laziness.

When I started stand-up – and this is in the ’90s – there was definitely people hadn’t watched decades of Comedy Central, where people are really much more educated on stand-up comedy.

You didn’t question – kind of like, you would go to college. You would wear a tie to work. You would, you know, you would work for 40 years. And then you would play golf for three years, and then you would die. That was how I was raised.

My faith is very personal. It’s not something that I want to project on other people.

I went to a Catholic University and there’s something about being a Catholic-American. You know, St. Patrick’s Day is, I’m Irish-Catholic. There’s alcoholism in my family. It’s like I’ve got to be Catholic, right?

I’d been acting and doing stand-up in New York about eight years, getting rejected, and I finally got the opportunity to do stand-up on Letterman, which holds even more importance for me. With comedians, that’s definitely the pinnacle, but being from Indiana, it was a big to-do.

I don’t have any delusions. I’m not a novelist – I’m a comedian who writes. I love doing the stand-up and the touring and the albums and all that, but it’s pretty amazing to go into a library and see your book there.