149 Quotes by Jimmy Carr

You go, well you can’t joke about race. Well if you’re from a different race and that’s your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can’t talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.

The reason old man use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It’s that old women are so very ugly.

I go around the country and do a simple gag like, ‘The property ladder is now a snake’ and get a real laugh.

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Rohypnol.

My father always used to say, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,” – ’til the accident.

I think that comedians, more than any other type of celebrity, have to keep their humour and keep their feet on the ground. If they start taking themselves too seriously, they’re heading for a fall.

After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny’s words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.

Let’s face it, the gene pool needs a little chlorine.

To say that ‘life’s a joke’ is not so much to belittle life as to correctly identify the elusive nature of the joke. Jokes have the measure of us. They change in the telling, defy capture, slip through our fingers like water. And they outlast us all. They are trifles, fragments, nothings that turn out to be all that’s left: the aptest metaphor for our pathetic species’ struggle to survive.