149 Quotes by Jimmy Carr

Even if you're doing the national insurance awards, there's still that excitement when you wonder who is going to win, er, best premiums.

I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.

I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.

I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.

I pay what I have to and not a penny more.

I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way.

I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.

All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.

I don't see myself as offending people.