226 Quotes by Jo Brand

When I was a nurse my favourite assignment was the anorexic ward. I sometimes ate as many as seventeen dinners

One thing lots of Christians do have in common is that they can't help coming across as smug. This winds lots of people up, particularly because famous Christians pronounce on the life of the poor from their very lovely affluent homes filled with their very lovely families and attractive pets.

I went on the pill when I was 16, put on four stone... so that proved to be a very effective contraceptive.

As a comic and as a nurse, it's important to look calm on the surface when you're absolutely crapping yourself inside. So, if someone is waving a machete at you, which has happened to me when I was a nurse, it's important to make that person feel that you're in control.

Fat people are brilliant in bed. If I'm sitting on top of you, who's going to argue?

They say revenge is a dish best eaten cold, but for most people, by the time it's ready to eat, they just don't fancy it any more.

Inside every fat person there's a thin person looking to get out - They've just eaten them

I never ever take into consideration the consequences of my actions until it's too late.

So, my style has hopefully changed over the years and it is more relaxed, and I do tend to smile and have more than one expression these days hopefully - which I didn't at the beginning.