619 Quotes by Joan Rivers

Victoria Beckham is so nasty, why doesn't she just go home?! Her dresses are beautiful, but I don't care what she does. She's mean to all the people around her. She's too short to be a diva. We all use the same hairdressers, make-up artists, limo-drivers and greeters at the airports in LA and nobody has anything nice to say about her. They say she's rude. She can't always just be having a bad day.

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.

I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.

Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.

A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon.

I think Hillary Clinton's style is perfect. Perfect. You don't notice what she's wearing, you notice the woman.