619 Quotes by Joan Rivers

I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.

Emotional troubles are like landfill. Get them outside, and the air disintegrates them.

I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.

In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.

I love the Internet, and I love that you can say whatever you want.

Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

Life is a movie, and you're the star. Give it a happy ending.

Everyone forgets comedians are actors. There's no question about it. A Robin Williams cannot say the same line every night for 40 weeks and make it sound fresh unless he's doing an acting job.

I'm so fat and I'm so depressed; last night I tried to hang myself - but the rope broke.