619 Quotes by Joan Rivers

You can find my book at your favorite bookstore, and if it isn't there, find a new favorite.

You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.

I started my career in a town so small the local clinic was called Fred's Hospital and Grill.

I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone.

keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.

Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.

I hate Billings, Montana. They have a fashion show at Sears Roebuck