619 Quotes by Joan Rivers

old age' is always ten years more than we are.

What makes me laugh is, of course, the absurd, the horror - anything that upsets me.

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.

Better laid than never.

Self-pity shortens your life ...

I just get such a connection from an audience. You play with them. I get mad at them. I yell at them. They yell at me. It's just fun.

I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, 'Let me help you with those buttons' and I told him, 'I'm completely naked'.

My daughter refuses to call me mother in public; my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.

I think I'm in a business where you have to look good, and it's totally youth-oriented.