619 Quotes by Joan Rivers

If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.

I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.

She’s so fat, she’s my two best friends.

Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.

Life is very tough. If you don’t laugh, it’s tough.

Don’t cook. Don’t clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.

You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

Welcome to my world! I’ve been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I’m the luckiest woman on the planet.

Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.