619 Quotes by Joan Rivers

Happiness, at my age, is breathing.

She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.

Does fashion matter? Always – though not quite as much after death.

I hate Billings, Montana. They have a fashion show at Sears Roebuck.

I hate weddings. Weddings are nothing more than catering with virgins. Sorry, in the old days it was virgins; now it’s baby mommas.

I’ve learned from doing my own show with Fox that people are not your partners if they’re signing the checks. Whoever signs your paycheck is the boss – no matter what they tell you.

God always comes up with a third act twist – and we won’t know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.

I could stop and live carefully but that’s ridiculous. I don’t want to live carefully.

I love gay and lesbian parents. But I think we need a law that says lesbians and gay men have to raise their children together. This way, the kids would not only know how to build bookshelves, but they’d also instinctively know how to decorate them.